Amma, finally I'll be going to visit you again. I guess I'll start crying all over again on Monday. I hope I won't be crying on Tuesday when it happens. One part of me hope it won't because that will mean you are in a better place, but another part of me really wants to hear from you. Still missing you so dearly although its more than 10 months since you left us... Visit me in my dreams tonight, will you?
Feeling much better after a few days. I guess I shouldn't say I hate you in my previous post, instead I should have said I was disappointed.
I'm thankful I attended the Mindful Gym course in June which helped me to cope with my feelings this few days. Practicing with the 3G Gratitude Cards and Yeah-Yahoo Cards made me appreciate and feel grateful for what I have today. I guess the blues are gone. :)
Drifting in and out memories and thoughts, I'm grateful that you were one of those that always listen to me complain my problems and at the same time console me when I was upset. Thanks for being there when I needed someone to listen. From the bottom of my heart, I'm grateful to have you as a friend. :)
Glad to know that you are off medicine, hopefully you will fully recover soon.
Practicing on a daily basis this week what Bhante Sujata taught last week. Reminding myself and wishing you and all others the same.
May we be well;
May we be happy;
May we be in peace.
An additional line for you, May you be blessed with good health.
All the while I've expected this day to come, but what I felt upsetting most was why would you still want to play around with my feelings then? Would you stand in my shoes for once and think how I feel?
It wasn't easy to come to this stage and not look back into the past which hurt me so much and still sends chills down my spine when I think about it. Why would you want to cross the line again? I'm not a doll with no feelings. As much as I felt annoyed that day I just told myself to just ignore what you did and continue to be friends, but coming to know that, I'm so upset I feel like just blocking you out of my life.
I hate you for what you have did. I know I shouldn't think this way, but sometimes, I wish you will taste this bitter medicine yourself one day.
Saw the email from Emirates today and tickets to Melbourne is selling from RM1.7k. Had an urge to book a return ticket and hide myself there for a month.
I miss winter in Melbourne, so much. The nights I used to hide in my cosy apartment with a bag of chips, TVB series, the small heater fan, flannel socks... Life was so good back then except I was always homesick.
I miss walking to uni every morning, taking deep breathes of the fresh cold air, seeing how the colour of the maple tree changed from green to red till all the leaves dropped signaling autumn was coming to an end.
I miss doing groceries alone at Safeway (now known as Woolworths), going down the aisles one by one, taking my own sweet time to do my groceries. How I miss the bacon flavoured chips which only appears on the shelves once a year and going at a sale of AUD$2 per bag.
I miss listening to the sound of the tram running on the tracks, especially the older trams. I miss sitting on the tram when the cold wind rushes in whenever the doors spring open. I miss taking the train down to Boxhill to visit Aunty Jane and listen to her talk bout her stories.
I miss eating Fredo's durian and roche ice cream especially during winter. I miss the salmon onigiri sold in Union House. I miss the chicken giblets from Joomak when Win introduced to me when I went to Melbourne this year.
I miss all the alone time, so much. If given another chance, I will definitely appreciate it better.
Melbourne, when will I be back again?
Taken on Swanston St during my visit in January 2013.
Guys, appreciate who you have. Do not regret only when she leaves you.
Let Her Go - Passenger
Well you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missin' home Only know you love her when you let her go And you let her go
Staring at the bottom of your glass Hoping one day you'll make a dream last But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missin' home Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark Same old empty feeling in your heart 'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep But never to touch and never to keep 'Cause you loved her too much And you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missin' home Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go And you let her go Well you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missin' home Only know you love her when you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missin' home Only know you love her when you let her go
When was the last time we had such a big fight like today?
I may have used the wrong words to express what I wanted to say which has caused the pain in both of us now. There is no use arguing now as words said can no longer be taken back.
Since you came back from Melbourne I've been trying to keep cool so that I will not say the wrong thing but with the frequency of the black faces you had been putting up lately, I totally loss all of my chill-ness, cool-ness etc this afternoon. If you need your personal space, just tell me you don't feel like talking then I'll stay away, but not just keeping mute and making me guess what you're angry/pissed/upset with. I'm so tired of guessing and taking in whatever you are putting up with. I totally understand the need of personal space as I myself will sometimes lock myself in my room till I feel much better.
To me, you're not a burden, but my dearest sister. It is heartbreaking to know that you think that you're a burden to me, which this has never cross my mind. I am lost for words. I guess we need time to calm down for now.
Win, May you be well and be happy;
Win, May you be able to get through all your papers from now on;
Win, May the tummy aches you often have gets lesser by the day;
Win, May you find the ultimate freedom you have always wanted;
Win, May you be blessed with all the good things.
I hope you keep in mind that end of the day no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you.
